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Addiction Hurt Codependency and Negative Messages

By admin on Saturday, June 5th, 2010 | No Comments

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Intense pain and illicit drug use seem to go hand in hand.  Parents need to role model a problem solving approach to life problems so their children will see the value in intense feelings and working through them.  Not being equipped to manage these intense feelings of hurt and anger, children grow up and withdraw or show aggressive behavior.  Teen suicide and homicide get a lot of attention these days.  Without a moral code or virtuous standards of conduct, children grow up to create their own or the code established by the culture established by their friends or others that emphasizes a feel good standard.  Without having a sound foundation of virtues or morals to guide their life, their pursuit of feeling good ends up with their feeling empty and all alone.

Virtues and morality must be present for our children and for adults to see the obvious good and bad behavior of others and themselves.  I believe this is the only way that one can discover the truth about oneself and the company they keep.  In Joe McQ’s book, “The Steps We Took”, he states that sanity is the ability to see the truth.  He goes on to say when we see the truth that we will be free from the problem.  Many 12-step programs are grounded in the philosophy of discovering the truth in one’s life.  I will discuss a process for our children, adolescents, and adults to help the truth to be known and for virtues to be practiced in everyday life.  Many of our children grow up attempting to please their parents to such a great extent causing them to adopt patterns of behavior which take away from their own ability to think critically for themselves causing them to depend heavily upon others to move through their lives.  I have observed a world filled with codependent people who have lost their way in life. Other children and adults demonstrate a perfectionism to get their parents or significant others in their life to recognize their worth.  In either of these cases, the person has not spent their journey in life making decisions or setting their personal goals independent of others.  This is not always a bad thing.  For those of you who have significant others who hurt you and criticize your decisions, this can cause you to live your life through their eyes causing you to miss out on great opportunities in your life.

Alanis Morissett’s song, “Perfect”, contains many of the negative messages children face.

Sometimes is never quite enough,

If you’re flawless, then you win
My love,
Don’t forget to win first place,
Don’t forget to keep that smile,
On your face.

Be a good boy,
Try a little harder,
You’ve got to measure up,
And make me prouder,
How long before you screw it up?
How many times do I have to tell you?
To hurry up?
With everything I do for you,
The least you can do is keep quiet,

Be a good girl,
You’ve got to try a little harder,
That simply wasn’t good enough,
To make us proud.

I’ll live through you,
I’ll make you what I never was,
If you’re the best, then maybe
So am I,
Compared to him,
Compared to her,
I’m doing this for your own damn good,
You make up for what I blew,
What’s the problem…
Why are you crying?
…We’ll love you just the way you are,
If you’re perfect.

Hurt can come in many shapes and forms in our families, communities, and the workforce.  It can erode the soul of children, adolescents, and adults if gone unaccounted for and not atoned.

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Serenity

By admin on Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 | No Comments

Serenity refers to a state of peacefulness where the mind is calm and unruffled by the external environment. This higher spiritual echelon, or inner peace, is accompanied by a sense of contentment and bliss. Human beings are distinct from all other life forms due to their intelligence and consciousness. The conscious mind perceives the external world and feels various emotions based on experiences and perception.

These feelings, emotions, and sentiments, in turn, determine our inner equilibrium or “inner life.” Consciousness, which stems from internalization of social values and morals, also plays a major role in directing the inner equilibrium. Most of the time, the inner life or equilibrium of a human mind is in a disturbed state. The mind is never at peace, and chaos reigns due to anger, shame, feelings of guilt, and sadness. The human mind strives to achieve the right balance or equilibrium. The eternal quest for the ultimate goal—bliss—proceeds in many directions.

Some seek respite in various forms of addiction, or others by passionately submerging themselves in work or pleasure. These paths, however, never satiate the true desire for peace or tranquility. Serenity, or peace, is achieved by striving for inner peace first. The most important step in this direction is to recognize the inner child of the mind. The second step emancipating the inner child from all forms of abuse and loving it unconditionally, like a child.

Self-love is the key to serenity. Self-love doesn’t require one to be directed by the inner child. One should take control as a conscious being and love one’s self, yet not be dictated by it. Some find serenity in nature; for others, serenity is found in visiting with family and friends. True serenity is achieved by empowering the inner life and allowing it to reflect the external life.

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More Reasons to Quit Smoking

By admin on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 | No Comments

Recently, a pregnant cashier raced back to her post after a smoke break and explained to her customer that she was sneaking cigarettes when the baby’s father would not notice. She seemed oblivious to the harm her addiction could be causing the child.

But now there is a new way for mothers to gently break the cigarette habit, and it comes at a time when medical experts are finding increasingly alarming reasons for pregnant women to wean themselves from nicotine and tobacco.

Some studies indicate that smoking can as much as double a woman’s risk for having a low-birthweight baby. This occurs either due to the increased risk of preterm delivery or to poor fetal growth or both, caused by smoking. Low-birthweight babies are at risk of serious problems including cerebral palsy, mental retardation and learning problems. Smoking may lead to an increased risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) after birth.

According to the Center for Disease Control, the chances of pre-term delivery, or any birth before 37 weeks, are much higher in women who smoke during their pregnancy. Babies who are born that early in the pregnancy are at a much higher risk for developmental disabilities while in the womb. This is because the chemicals in cigarette smoke can cause the mother to go into pregnancy before all the essential systems have had time to develop completely. Low birth weight can also increase the chances of early infant death or even death of the baby while still in the womb.

The medical journal “Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery” reported that smoking leads to an increased risk of having babies with webbed fingers and toes, and missing or extra fingers and toes. The study concluded that smoking half a pack a day increased the risk of having a baby with digit abnormalities by 29 percent. The study, which looked at live births in the United States in 2001 and 2002, recorded 5,171 infants with such defects.

Additional cigarettes bring even more alarming results, increasing the child’s risk by as much as 78 percent. These defects can lead to surgery and other unwanted complications for the infant.

When the mother smokes, so does the baby. Poisons such as nicotine get into the placenta, which connects the mother to the unborn baby. The placenta then becomes thinner, trying to spread to other areas of the uterus which may have more oxygen and nutrients. The thinning of the placenta can cause pre-term labor or placenta previa, a condition where the placenta covers the cervix.

Why in the world would someone risk the health of her baby?  Addiction is many times defined as insanity.

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