Hurt and Negative Thoughts and Feelings
Since many of those who have been hurt by loved ones in subtle ways, there is usually no significant event to trigger that there is an abusive situation occurring. Feeling hurt, sad, guilty, worthless, hopeless, helpless, or angry becomes many of the core feelings of the victims of this type of hurt. They many times begin to associate their negative feelings with who they are. They become bad people, and worthless individuals in their eyes.
Jane is a hard working executive for a fortune 500 company. She has won many awards for her achievements at work. She always tries to stay one step ahead of everyone because she knows how much more critically women are judged on their performance than the men. She also knows how scared and bad she feels all the time. She is afraid that others will see right through her and see the bad person she really is. She suspects that everyone knows she was raped as a child and does not know whom to trust. Jane has a meeting with her boss the other day and was provided some critical feedback concerning her presentation to her staff she supervises. She was told she is very critical of their performance without acknowledging their positive performance. Jane thinks she is a bad person and probably does not deserve to have her job. Jane is being treated for Depression and an anxiety disorder.
This is an example of someone that has suffered a traumatic hurt in her life and views the world and people around her. She associates her negative feelings with who she is and second guesses her worthiness of a job she has be given awards for demonstrating great competencies. Many times, victims of hurt do not see the obvious situation they are involved. They instantly base the situation on how they feel and many times integrate the feeling as part of who they are. This is important to know for your own life. What are the bases for your assessment of who you are? If you are basing this on how you feel, I bet that your assessment is not very accurate. This type of approach will make you very vulnerable to being victimized or hurt by others.
