Intense pain and illicit drug use seem to go hand in hand.  Parents need to role model a problem solving approach to life problems so their children will see the value in intense feelings and working through them.  Not being equipped to manage these intense feelings of hurt and anger, children grow up and withdraw or show aggressive behavior.  Teen suicide and homicide get a lot of attention these days.  Without a moral code or virtuous standards of conduct, children grow up to create their own or the code established by the culture established by their friends or others that emphasizes a feel good standard.  Without having a sound foundation of virtues or morals to guide their life, their pursuit of feeling good ends up with their feeling empty and all alone.

Virtues and morality must be present for our children and for adults to see the obvious good and bad behavior of others and themselves.  I believe this is the only way that one can discover the truth about oneself and the company they keep.  In Joe McQ’s book, “The Steps We Took”, he states that sanity is the ability to see the truth.  He goes on to say when we see the truth that we will be free from the problem.  Many 12-step programs are grounded in the philosophy of discovering the truth in one’s life.  I will discuss a process for our children, adolescents, and adults to help the truth to be known and for virtues to be practiced in everyday life.  Many of our children grow up attempting to please their parents to such a great extent causing them to adopt patterns of behavior which take away from their own ability to think critically for themselves causing them to depend heavily upon others to move through their lives.  I have observed a world filled with codependent people who have lost their way in life. Other children and adults demonstrate a perfectionism to get their parents or significant others in their life to recognize their worth.  In either of these cases, the person has not spent their journey in life making decisions or setting their personal goals independent of others.  This is not always a bad thing.  For those of you who have significant others who hurt you and criticize your decisions, this can cause you to live your life through their eyes causing you to miss out on great opportunities in your life.

Alanis Morissett’s song, “Perfect”, contains many of the negative messages children face.

Sometimes is never quite enough,

If you’re flawless, then you win
My love,
Don’t forget to win first place,
Don’t forget to keep that smile,
On your face.

Be a good boy,
Try a little harder,
You’ve got to measure up,
And make me prouder,
How long before you screw it up?
How many times do I have to tell you?
To hurry up?
With everything I do for you,
The least you can do is keep quiet,

Be a good girl,
You’ve got to try a little harder,
That simply wasn’t good enough,
To make us proud.

I’ll live through you,
I’ll make you what I never was,
If you’re the best, then maybe
So am I,
Compared to him,
Compared to her,
I’m doing this for your own damn good,
You make up for what I blew,
What’s the problem…
Why are you crying?
…We’ll love you just the way you are,
If you’re perfect.

Hurt can come in many shapes and forms in our families, communities, and the workforce.  It can erode the soul of children, adolescents, and adults if gone unaccounted for and not atoned.

Other Health Links

• Drugs in the Workplace / Documentary Video | Health™
• Illegal Drug Use Among Senior Adults Increases | Alternative Health Zone
• Getting Help With Anger Management In Teens | anger-management-for-children.com
• Substance Abuse among Hispanic Americans

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